roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
