Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize