He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
