Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
