Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
