Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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