Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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