My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
