Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
