Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
