just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
