two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
