I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
