Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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