You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
