he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
