If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
