The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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