I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
