Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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