glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
