just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
