So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
