I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I did not marry a roomba.
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