Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize