.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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