I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
