Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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