I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
FUCK WHALES
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