Nicole vs. Life
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
