i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
COCAINE IS GR8
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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