I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
