Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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