i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
