Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
