Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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