I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
