i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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