I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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