I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I had to cum in my sink.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
