So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
