She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
