did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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