there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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