I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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