she looked like the before picture.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
