the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
do nipples grow back?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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