Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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