I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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