I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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