A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
