Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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