So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
