hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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