I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
