i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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