My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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