shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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