You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
