ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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