Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
