remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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