Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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