i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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