Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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