There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
