She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
