All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
