his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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