You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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