im about as happy as oj after his trial
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize