Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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