So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
