I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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