Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
