I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
