recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
