There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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